As you can tell from my home page, my
name is Rose Mawhorter. This is my story.
Childhood
My childhood was fairly normal. I was raised as the
oldest child in a non-Christian family. It was non-Christian in that we
didn't attend church and we weren't taught the core Christian beliefs
and values but there has always been the quiet influence from my
mother's beliefs.
Through out my childhood I was set apart in school. I'm
not sure if it was because I was bossy, a non-conformist, a high
achiever, stubborn, or just socially inept, or maybe some combination
of
those things. Whatever the reason was, I was austrisized. I know that I
perpetuated the bullying by tantruming but I didn't know how to get out
of the cycle. I handled it for the most part until it started to really
get to me in junior high. By that point I had stopped responding to
taunts but I didn't have the social skills to make friends and my
reputation was beyond repair. I was lonely and I didn't know how to
deal
with myself.
Coming to Faith
In the middle of grade ten my family moved from
Courtenay BC to Victoria BC. This gave me a clean start. I still was
unable to establish friendships at school but I did make one friend
through volunteer work that I was doing to entertain myself. She
invited
me out to her youth group at a local church. At first I was a little
resistant because I didn't know what to expect. When I did eventually
go
I really enjoyed it. I saw that the people there were different from
the people that I went to school with. The leaders especially genuinely
cared about me.
After a few weeks of attending I knew that I wanted to
identify with this group. I wanted to a part of their community. I also
wanted to have the intimacy with God that they had. I found all this
one
night when I revealed my ignorance of what I actually needed to do to
become a Christian. My friend explained that I had to except Jesus into
my heart. We went and found the youth pastor and the three of us prayed
together. I basically told God that I wanted to do whatever He wanted.
I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something along those
lines. I was so eager for a change that I didn't really think of the
repracutions of my prayer.
Growing in Faith
I was ignorant at that point of alot of God's
expectations of me but my additude helped me. I really wanted to please
God. I was greatful for my new found relationship with Him and I wanted
to show Him. I was afraid that I would do something that would turn Him
away. I didn't know just how deep God's love runs. Yes, He wanted me to
work on a lot of things but I needed to learn that He wouldn't reject
me
if I failed and that He was there with me helping me change to become
more loving ever step of the way.
After I graduated I went to Capernwray Harbour, a bible
school, to learn more about God. This was about a year after I had
become a Christian. I had been growing, as God moulded me, up to that
point but the eight months at Capernwray really helped me grow in faith
in a more intense way. My roommates were a perfect match for dealing
with the sharper edges of my personality. The staff were really caring,
patient and generous towards me. I learned many lessons that year. For
example, I was short on money that year but the funds would inevitably
show up in my mail slot, usually anonomously. This helped me learn to
trust God to provide for my needs. Most importantly I did grapple with
the issue of God's love. I started to really see that God loved me and
really wanted to use my life to accomplish great things.
After my time at Capernwray I moved back into my home
with my family. This was a difficult adjustment because it tested the
things that I had learned at school. How would my patience hold out
when
things got more stressful? Could I find a job? Would I need to be
excepted by friends? I still had a number of issues that needed to work
out. My old habits and ways of thinking were still coming through (they
still do but hopefully not as much!). I did make some friends which
helped me see that I was worthwhile person. It was during this year
that
I met my husband, Joel.
I found a job and moved out with a roommate about a
year after my return from bible school. It was about this time that my
husband and I started to date. We became engaged a few month later and
then got married the following spring. After we got married we moved to
Vancouver. I was a little lonely because I spent all of my day time by
myself for that summer and fall. I learned that I couldn't rely on Joel
to meet all of my needs. We were partners but I needed to depend on God
to meet my emotional needs. I also grappled more with my insecurity. I
grew in understanding that Joel would never leave me and would always
care about our relationship. This wasn't a constant worry but it was
more whenever we would have a small argument I would feel like I would
scare him away. I grew in this area by relizeing my value and the good
qualities that I had gained through my relationship with God.
The following January I went to school for a semester. When the fall
semester rolled around I had enrolled in a Unversity to take education
but God had different ideas. Within the first week of classes I found
out that I was pregnant! This was a real shock. I was both happy and
sad. I wanted to trust that God knew what he was doing but I was
disappointed because it was not what I had planned. This helped me grow
in trusting God.
I tried to continue with classes but my morning sickness just made that
too difficult. Truely though the morning sickness was God's providence.
At this point my younger sister was also pregnant and due at the end of
May. She was planning to give her baby up for adoption. All through her
pregnancy I had been praying that her baby would be placed in a good
home. At the begining of November I had a dream that Joel and I had
adopted her. I woke in tears. I hadn't even thought of the idea of
adopting the baby myself. Over the next few days my husband and I
talked
and prayed about the idea. We didn't have long to decide as my sister
could have had the baby at any point. It was a very emotional time for
me. We did decide to adopt the baby and my sister was very happy with
the idea.
The baby was born November 30, 2002. We flew out to Winnipeg to pick
our new daughter up. We decided to name her Faith because we had chosen
to adopted her through faith that God would take care of us no matter
how hard the road that followed would be. Since Faith's birth I have
been learning how to be a good mom. I've never had to be so
self-sacrificing. God has used this to help me be more able to live my
life for others.
The time while I was pregnant with a newborn was difficult as I didn't
feel well and there was so much change but God carried me through. My
son, Paul Steven was born May 14, 2003. The time following Paul's was a
challenge because I was recovering from a c-section. Joel and his
mother
were a great support to me. Having children has taught me more
self-discipline. I've had to get organized and work harder because I've
realized that laziness effects more then just me. By this I mean both
self-discipline in completeing menial chores as well as self-discipline
in my relationship with God.
Another area in which I have been growing is my understanding of
self-sacrificial living. Over the last two years Joel and I have really
been working through what it means to love our neighbour as we love
ourselves. We've come to realize that we and the majority of the
western
church have been sinful to live in largly a self-indulgent way when
millions of people worldwide live in absolute poverty. You can read an
essay that Joel wrote on this subject on his website. This realization has
caused me to have to evalute every aspect of my lifestyle. I've been
looking for all waste in my life whether it has been in time, money,
environmental resources or any other resource that God has given us in
order to put it more in line with God's call on my life. This has been
a
huge challenge as there is so much waste. We are working with some
other christians to start a church focused on radical discipleship.
We're hoping to find other likeminded people interested in joining us.
To view our churches website, click
here.
Concluding Comments
I hope that this gives you a bit better understanding of who I am.
Through out my mini biography I have tried to explain the ways in which
I was shaped into who I am today. In the things that I mention that I
have grown in I hope that it is clear that I don't think that I have
arrived in any of those areas. I'm still weak and insecure in areas but
hopefully just a little less then I was before. My old habits and
patterns of thought sometimes show up but God is slowly replacing them
with more constructive ones. Also, I'm not trying to induce pitty; the
reality is simply that I am naturally selfish, weak, insecure, and
unable to understand God. This is why I need God's help. He has helped
me change in so many ways. I hope that this web page shows Him that I
am
grateful.